SHORT FUNNY JOKES IN ENGLISH

1.Airplane Crash:
An airplane was about to crash.
There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger said "I am Stephen curry, the best NBA  basketball player. The warriors and my millions of fans need me, and i can't afford to die." so he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald trump, said,"I am the newly-elected US
 President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die."He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
T he 3rd passenger, the pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year old schoolboy,"My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have last parachute."
The little boy said,"That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you.America's smartest President took my schoolbag.

2. 8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?! 
   11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

3. A guy in a plane stood uo and shouted: "HIJACK!"
    All passengers got scared
    From the other end of a plain, a guy shouted back "HI JHON"

4. Today was my first day entering a court.
    The judge shouted"order, order!!"
     I was so excited,
     So I shouted back "fried rice with chicken, five bottles of             beer and a chilled glass of special ice mineral water."
     I am now locked up in a dark room.
     I am sure they will bring my order soon.

FARTHER AND SON( FUNNY JOKES IN ENGLISH)

FARTHER AND SON:

O M G

Farther: Hey why don't you go and study...?

Son: For what?

Farther: You will get good marks.

Son: Then?

Farther: You will good salary.

Son: Then?

Farther: You will get new car...big house...

Son: Then?

Farther: You will relax....

Son: What do you think i'm doing write now???

THE GUY SHE LOVES THE MOST(FUNNY JOKES)

The Guy She Loves The Most:-

One day a man came back early from his officer.
He was shocked to see his wife another guy.
He told his wife to go out of the room.
Then he said to the guy:"What are you doing here?"
The guy replied "Ilove your wife and she loves me too.
The man said: "I know that my wife loves me and not you."
After a long conversation they decide:"We'll lets hold our guns and fire at each other and pretebd to be dead."
"She will mourn for the guy she loves the most and the other person will get out their lives."
The wife heard the gunshots, she came into the room, shocked and surprised, stood staring at both the dead bodies.
Suddenly she started laughing out loudly, rejoicing and shouted.
"Bob get out that wardrobe, These 2 idiots are dead now!"

CLEAN KNOCK- KNOCK BEST FUNNY JOKES IN ENGLISH

OPEN UP (KNOCK KNOCK) FUNNY JOKES:-


Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice door open,or am i suck out here? 

KNOCK KNOCK SASS:-

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Says.
Says who?
Says me, that's who!

DOWNRIGHT MAGICAL:-

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?

MY LIFE IS THE BEST(FUNNY JOKES IN ENGLISH):-

MY LIFE IS THE BEST (FUNNY JOKES):-

I was in 10th; she was i 10th.
I was in 12th; she was in 12th.
I got BSC; she got BSC.
I was doing MSC; she got married.
I was preparing for JRF; she's the mother of 1 child.
I got Ph.D; she's the mother of 2 children.
I am doing Ph.D; her daughter is in 1st standard.
I became doctorate; her daughter is in 10th.

BEST JOKES

I have joined job; her daughter has joined college.
And the greatest Irony!
Today is my engagement.
And her daughter is my fiancée.



                                                       hahahahaha

                                                                                                   

LADKI AUR LADKO KA FACEBOOK PE STATUS

LADKI AUR LADKO KA FACEBOOK  PE STATUS:

Ladki ka Facebook pe status- Wo Bewafa Nikla.
Comment By Guys:

1. Dear, wo apke layak tha hi nahi.
2. Tum kahan aur wo sala bandar kahan.
3. Humne to pahle hi kaha, sab mere jaisa nahi hota.
4. Kabhi hume try karke dekho, pata chalega bharosa kya hota.
5. Jo bhi hua acha hi hua, don't worry sweetu.

But

Ladke ka facebook pe status-Wo Bewafa Nikli.

1. Saale, teri shakal hi gadhe jaisi hao.
2. Tere se bas aaj tak koi pati hai?
3. Tujh jaiso se bhi ladki pategi.😖😖😖
4. Usse teri namardi ka pata chal gaya hoga.
5. Tere se kuch nahi hoga dude, chal ab uska no. mujhe de.

SANTA JOKES (BEST FUNNY JOCKES IN ENGLISH)

BEST SANTA FUNNY JOKES:

SLEIGH RIDE THROUGH THE RAIN:
Q: How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm?
A: His sleigh is flown by raindeer.

MERRY MEASURE: 
Q: What,s st. Nicholas,s favorite measurement in the metric system?
A: The santameter!
By Briana, age 7.
 
HO HO OW:
Q: What,s red and white and falls down chimneys?
A:Santa Klutz.

OH DEER:
Q: Which of santa's reindeer has the worst manners?
A: RUDE-olph, of course!

PRINGLE BELLS:
Q: What's Santa claus's favorite type of potato chip?
A: Crisp pringles!

THEY LOVE IT DEERLY:
Q: Why do Dasher and dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's star bucks!😇😇😇😇